**A Note from Alex's Mom: This post is compiled from last week's letter and this week's.**
Having a Change of Perspective:
This week has been quite the week. It was really easy to work the last few weeks because I had a specific goal:
"Just keep going until you can talk to the mission conselor."
We had a doctor's conference last Friday, so I was indeed able to talk to the mission counselor. And it went really well. What I was mostly worried about was that I wouldn't explain myself and what's happened well enough and that I wouldn't be able to get the help I need. But as I talked to Dr. G, my worries quickly dissapated. As I explained myself though, he just looked a little surprised. I don't think my mission experience is typical.
However I do know that there are others who have had similar ones. After the conference was over, I had a chance to talk to Elder C, my friend. We both had the same trainer, but we never really got a chance to meet each other until we both transferred to this zone. But it turns out that he has felt a lot of the same anxiety and stress that I have been feeling.
On Saturday, I was just trying to work normally, when I just started getting really anxious while we were walking and trying to talk to people and I just broke down. So I called the mission president, and I talked to him and he helped me to calm down and told me to take a break. So I did. And I asked him for permission to call Elder C if I ever needed to, so I've been talking to him over e-mail and over the phone for the last couple days and it's really helped. And I also talked to Dr. G and I have an appointment with him tomorrow morning. So it looks like things are going to be able to start moving forward.
It's really interesting. I would not have expected that my mission would turn out to be what it has been. And I really don't know what will happen in the course of the next nine months. But I know it will be worth it, at the very least. And I know that the Lord will lead me there. I know that he is happy with every step that we take forward. Even if those are "What about Bob?" style baby steps. Someday, I will know specifically why all has happened this way, maybe even someday soon. But I know that all this is supposed to help me to be happier, to have more capacity to be happy, For the Lord has said:
"This is My work and My glory: to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."
"Adam fell that man may be. And men are that they might have joy."
This week (Let's face it, the last fifteen months) have been quite the whirlwind of experiences. But that's not a bad thing.
I'm excited for the time when we can just sit down together somewhere comfortable and talk about this, but until then, I send my love.
When Did I Start Living Again?
It's been quite the week. Probably the most startling thing that happened this week is the feeling that has come back into my life. I am not sure how to describe it. Hope? Perhaps that is it. Living is no longer a chore, I guess. There are still hard things. Oh gosh, yes there are hard things. But I no longer feel completely overwhelmed by them.
I can point to two things with assurance that have contributed to my renewed desire to live life, the opportunity to talk with the professional counselor -- as well as his acknowledgement of the difficulty of my difficulties -- and the opportunity to have real time support from my friend, Elder C. Not surprisingly, both of the things I mentioned were people. As the Beatles once sang "I'll get by with a little help from my friends."
Also something that I've found much comfort in is realizing just how much the Lord is not disappointed in me. It's easy to feel discouraged when things don't seem to be going as the should. But I find that as I sort out my thoughts and weed out the things that are just tearing me down, I find solace in the fact that the Lord knows me and my weaknesses.
Elder U continues to be great. He has his quirks of course. But he is very patient and very understanding. A great blessing to me in these strange times of transition.
Cheers,
Elder Mueller
Me in front of a castle.
Delicious ramen. 20 years ago the owner of this restaurant had really advanced cancer. He met the missionaries and they gave him a blessing. He never got baptized but he let the missionaries eat for free at his shop. He's not alive now but we still get to eat ramen for free every week.
**A note from Alex's mom: Thanks to all of you who sent Alex a note of love this week. I'm sure it made a difference! Also, just for your info (and possible amusement), Alex seems to be forgetting how to speak and write English. I have to be more and more diligent in my proofreading as his mission goes on. :)
Hello. How are you? Things went well this week. We were able to work hard and get a lot done.
On Monday, before Elder W transferred, we went to "Hida no Sato" which is this folk village place that's near the apartment. They had lots of old buildings that were made with thatched roofs, many of which had been moved there from other places near here. That was pretty fun.
Tuesday was transfers, so I got to see some friends that I don't usually get to see, and I picked up my new companion, Elder U. He is from Kyoto and is 20 years old. He's been on his mission for about 9 months, but he already is pretty skilled from what I've seen. He helps me a lot. We've been able to work hard this week, and though we haven't seen any new investigators or anything, it feels really good to work hard.
Something that I have been happy to know is that God is aware of our particular trials, and he knows just how to comfort us in our times of need. It's easy to get frustrated when things don't go the way we planned, or when we realize our own limitations. Especially when we are doing our best to serve the Lord. But He is aware of our desires. He knows the thoughts of our hearts. So when we are humble and are honestly striving, he is full of bounteous mercy and strengthens us in our weakness. I am grateful for the power of the Atonement, and that through it Christ knows me perfectly. There are many things that don't make much sense when they happen. But we can know that "all these things shall give [us] experience, and shall be for [our] good." (D&C 122:7) All happens, not necessarily so that we can be happy and free of sorrow now, but it does happen so that we can be even happier in the future.
With love,
Elder Mueller
P.S. Hida no Sato pictures!
A note from Alex's mom:
Alex has been struggling a bit with various things. He could really use some extra support from home, so if you have a minute or two, it would be lovely to flood his inbox with love this week. :) alexander.mueller@myldsmail.net. Here are excerpts from his emails to me the last two weeks.
From last week...
As for the rest of this week, it was good. New Year's was really quiet. No one was on the streets, and we weren't able to make any appointments. But Elder W and I wandered the streets of the city, trying to find people to talk to, and going past the shrines. As well as doing our weekly planning session.
We also had our Christmas Zone Conference the day before New Year's, and it was excellent. President Yamashita asked us to "Back-up and Reset" for the new year. So on the 1st, we read the whole missionary handbook (Da Rules) and started reading the 4 gospels to prepare for Mission Conference with Elder Ballard.
We also learned who the new mission president will be in July when President Yamashita is released. His name is Ishii. He is actually from a ward in the mission, which is rare. He is also Japanese, which is also kind of rare. So it should be very special. I'm excited to see what will happen.
From this week...
Lately I have been getting my Frodo Baggins/Pioneer experience in. Due to the snow and the fact that both my companion's bicycles have problems, we have been walking a lot.
On Tuesday I had the chance to talk to President Yamashita, it was really good, and he gave me some suggestions.
But things have been kind of rough this week....
But it's the end of the transfer, and we had transfer calls and Elder W is transferring. I am staying in Takayama, and my new companion is Elder U. I haven't met him yet, but I heard that he is from Kyoto, Japan. So I'm going to have another Japanese companion.
I'm hopeful for the next transfer. I don't know what will happen, but the Lord will support me through any difficulties that occur, just as he has every transfer up until now.
With all of this going on though, it's easy to wonder what the Lord wants me to get done on my mission. I feel like I've just been extremely hindered in the good that I've tried to do. A lot of the time I don't even feel like I can do the things that I'm expected to do as a missionary. But when I pray, I feel that the Lord is pleased with me. Perhaps even just because I haven't given up. Maybe there are many that would just go home after experiencing so much opposition and difficulty as I have. But I won't give up. I won't go home. I don't know what the Lord has in store for me yet. I don't know if the rest of my mission will just turn out to be what the first part has been, but I know that I have not failed, and I will not fail.
Something that my Mission President said in the last Zone Conference we had struck me. It was near the end, and my mind started to wander for a few seconds, but what he said just stuck in my mind.
"Wait with hope," he said.
Those words stayed with me. Perhaps the thing I have learned the most about on my mission is hope. Hope leads to patience, and humility. And true hope is based on the firm principle that Jesus is the Christ and that He prepared an Atonement.
Of this truth I testify, and declare that I have hope.
Hello all,
Christmas was very nice. Very quiet. But I got to talk to my family this week, which is always nice. Although talking to them makes me notice a lot how I've changed. I'm a lot different than I used to be. I behave differently around them than I did before.
However, on Saturday, during an exchange, I had a bit of an accident. I hit an icy patch in the road on my bike, and I slipped and fell. I was mostly okay, and luckily there weren't many cars on the road. However, my hands hurt a bit, and things seemed a little strange, so I went to the doctor this morning and they taped things up. However, something was hurting just now that didn't earlier, so I might need to go back tomorrow.
Things are good. The gospel is still true.
Love,
Elder Mueller
Hello!
The snow here this last week was ridiculous! And I'm really sore from all the snow shoveling that we did. It probably snowed about a meter and a half in two or three days! We were supposed to have a Christmas Zone Conference, but it was postponed because the trains weren't running at all.
Things should be good for Christmas this year. It's a lot quieter here. They don't celebrate it that much. Everyone just eats cake aparently. That's about the extent of the celebrations. But we have our ward Christmas party tomorrow; it's going to be really fun!
I love you all,
-Elder Mueller
...in a good cause! Missionary work. It's good stuff, you know!
Hello, everyone!
This week, our mission got a special visit from Elder Ringwood of the Seventy. He did a mission tour, and so there were three conferences in different parts of the mission. But because the zone I'm in is so far away from everything else (Even just to get to the stake center takes three hours by train. Longer, if the tracks are icy), so we had a special one that was just our zone. The Spirit we were able to feel there was magnificent, and I was able to learn a lot and receive special revelation that I needed.
Last week, we also found our that Elder Ballard of the Twelve is visiting our mission in February, so that's going to be great to look forward to.
I'm working things out with Elder W. He's opening up more and being more honest with me about what he wants to do and how he wants to do it, and I think we are starting to understand each other more.
One thing that I've been learning more and more about is to be less judgmental of people, especially myself. I am sometimes very hard on myself, but it's better to be more patient with myself and with others as we all try to get better.
We also started to prepare things for the Christmas Party that we are having for the branch next week. The youth are putting together this ridiculous play based on an idea they stole from the Toy Story short that Disney made with the Hawaiian vacation. And at the end we are singing "Oh, Happy Day," a song from some Whoopi Goldberg movie. I feel so white when I sing it. And I'm singing with other white people and Asians. Oh well. しょがないね.
Keeping my head up,
Elder Mueller
Hi, Everyone! Alex didn't send a general email this week, but he is an obedient missionary and wrote to his mom. Here are just a couple of thoughts I wanted to share...
"Well, things are a bit rough right now....But I'm figuring things out. And I'm learning a lot too. Of all the times on my mission, this is the one when I feel most connected to Heaven's power."
"It snowed here this last week, so things have been pretty cold. I'm staying warm though. I got some boots today, so when it snows again, I'll be able to walk through the snow more easily. We can't ride bikes in the snow very well. And it snows a lot here."
So, please keep Elder Mueller in your prayers. I know it helps him a lot! Have a great week!
Delicious ramen. 20 years ago the owner of this restaurant had really advanced cancer. He met the missionaries and they gave him a blessing. He never got baptized but he let the missionaries eat for free at his shop. He's not alive now but we still get to eat ramen for free every week. 
